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Get the Romance Back!

How hard is it to remember your wedding day? "Not hard at all," you say, as you recall your dress, the décor, the menu and the dancing. But it's just as important to remember your feelings on that day and all the emotions that led to getting married. It's important to remember what it was like to be courted, to anticipate his telephone calls, to look forward to spending the rest of your lives together.

However, this can be hard when you are worrying about your youngest child who is cranky because she's teething, and meanwhile you still have to cook dinner, make sure your eldest does his homework and get him to tennis practice on time. God help you if, in the middle of all this, you are also trying to fit in your career. At the same time, your husband is busy at work, dealing with job pressure and financial worries.

It is easy to understand why you end up taking each other for granted, no longer devoting time to each other. Gradually, your relationship stops being one of a couple in love and becomes one of a couple of parents.

The truth is, if you want to recapture feelings of love, you need to work at it. Here are suggestions to help put the romance back in your marriage. They work very well for both husbands and wives, so you may want to leave this article where hubby can find it!

Little things matter
Small, thoughtful gestures and caring words have a big impact. Giving each other a kiss and a hug when you leave home in the morning makes a difference. So do the words, "I love you." You can leave a note on the bedside table or send a nice text message from your mobile in the middle of the day. If your husband is returning from a trip, you can make a "Welcome home!" sign and hang it on the door. Once you start thinking, you can find many simple ways to show that you care. 

Time alone together
Spend even just one hour alone together in the evening talking, listening to music or doing whatever you both enjoy. Put your kids to bed a bit earlier if necessary - they'll get more rest and you'll get the chance to be alone.

Once in a while, plan a special evening together. Ask someone you trust to watch the kids for the night, and then have a romantic dinner at home or in a restaurant, with music, candlelight, dancing and good food. Give him your undivided attention. Don't let anything break the mood like saying, "I'm going to call and check on the kids."

Cultivate intimacy
No matter how hard you work on the other aspects of romance, intimacy is equally important. Lovemaking helps keep you close. Thinking about getting intimate may be difficult while staring at your husband's socks on the floor (or listening to your wife complain about your socks on the floor!) But try to remember why you fell in love in the first place, then drop some hints and try to create the right mood. How you do so is a personal

choice - you might like to put on relaxing music and light candles, or wear a special outfit and perfume.
Watching a romantic movie together can help spark intimacy and so can creating your own personal ritual.

You may now be thinking that you don't have the time, inclination or energy for romance, but by making an effort, you are investing in your marriage and future happiness. Romance makes your "other half" feel special and loved, and even if he or she does not respond immediately or with the same intensity, your partner will eventually respond. After years of being unromantic, one husband decided to mend his ways and spent several months making caring gestures, but getting little reaction from his wife. He kept it up until slowly their relationship began to improve. Now, they set aside three nights a week to enjoy activities like dinner or a movie - alone. Your efforts will pay off, so don't give up.

What Not to Do!
Nothing kills romance like...
• Asking why he is late from work and why he didn't call. You can bring it up later, but it's best not to grill him as soon as he arrives. When he comes home tired after a long day, he will really appreciate a pleasant greeting and the chance to relax with you. This applies to husbands of working women as well. Don't cross- examine her the minute she walks in the door.
• Talking about problems when you first see each other in the evening. If you make this a habit, you're not going to look forward to seeing each other or coming home at all. Again, discuss it later.
• Coming home from work, ignoring her and picking up the newspaper or turning on the television. You may be tired, but greeting her nicely and spending a few minutes asking about her day makes her feel loved.
• Being overly critical. Find a pleasant way of expressing concerns. Continuously saying, "You should have done this," or "Why can't you do that?" only makes the other person defensive and angry.

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