By: Siski Green

Hi Siski,

My best friend was ditched by her fiancée a few weeks ago when he said he didn't love her anymore and was an absolute wreck. But now he's come crawling back trying to get back together with her and she's asking for my advice on what she should do. He's done this a couple of times now and I really think she deserves someone who will treat her better but how do I give my honest opinion without being too harsh and risking our friendship if she does decide to get back with him?

Thanks
Emma

Siski says:
Eek, I've been caught out by this one. The old, "Tell me honestly what you think about our relationship," got me telling the truth to one close friend. My answer: "Honestly? I never thought he was right for you. You're so much better off without him..." Then she got back together with the guy, they got married and have been happy ever since! Our friendship survived and is stronger than ever, but it could so easily have gone a different way. My mistake (and yours, if you decide to give your own opinion on things) was to judge a relationship from the outside looking in. Unless you are one half of that couple, you can't know for sure what's really going on - maybe your friend manipulates him in ways you can't see, or he has secrets or issues she hasn't shared with you that explain his behaviour somehow. And even if you are right that she deserves better, she may not feel the same. Until she does, she'll just keep taking him back - nothing you say or do will prevent that.

There's no need to avoid talking to her about it, but rather than being honest or harsh, just turn the tables on her. If she asks you what you think, ask her open-ended questions instead. "How would you feel if he did it again?" "Why do you think he does it?" and so on. That way, you can get her to think about her relationship and whether it's worth it without actually going out on a limb by revealing your true feelings about her fiancé.