By: Dr. Pam Spurr

Do you ever find yourself swamped by a plague of overwhelming anger? Uncontrollable feelings of rage can spoil otherwise fabulous women, who suddenly find themselves acting out of character in the most unlikely situations. From trolley-rage to changing-room rage, when that red mist descends, some of us can find ourselves unleashing an over-the-top response that we usually regret.

Here are five signs you may be heading for out-of-control rage:
Sign No. 1: Constant apologies
Do you find yourself constantly apologising for your angry behaviour? It might only be in one aspect of your life where you're always saying sorry - to your partner, colleagues, or family members, etc. But whether it's one person or many people you owe apologies to, this is a key sign your rage is out of control.

Sign No. 2: Inward plotting
Have you ever found yourself inwardly thinking of ways to 'get back' at someone, to tell someone off once and for all or give them a piece of your mind? Once your private thoughts are taken over by getting angry with or back at people, it's a clear warning things are slipping out of control.

Sign No. 3: Strikes out of the blue
Have you previously been someone you'd describe as having an average sort of temper but now out of the blue rages seem to strike? It feels as if you have no warning. Then you find yourself saying (or yelling) something you regret. Uncharacteristic feelings of rage signal you've lost control of things that trouble you.

Sign No. 4: The pleasure's gone
Like a love affair that has lost its lustre, have you found recently that the pleasure's gone out of life? Do you not feel able to enjoy things like you used to and feel overwhelmed by the less pleasurable stuff? This spells danger because you no longer have happy emotions to balance your angry ones. 

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Sign No. 5: It's been flagged up
For the first time has someone flagged up to you that you've got to get on top of your temper? It might be your boss or a partner, even a friend, but you were taken aback that they'd noticed. This shows you can no longer ignore your anger.

Here are five steps to sort it:
Step No.1: Self-care
The very first step to getting on top of any rage and anger is to look after yourself. Self-care includes making sure you don't eat too many sugary foods/drinks that send your mood sky-high followed by a plunge. Also getting enough sleep, drinking minimal alcohol, and keeping on top of stress are excellent starting points.
When you're looking after yourself at these key but basic levels, your moods will stabilise and it's easier not to overreact.

Step No.2: Identify hotspots
It's crucial to identify what sets you off so keep a diary for a week making a note of when you get angry, why you got angry and what you did. At the end of the week take a closer look to see if any patterns emerge. There may be practical things to help you run your life more smoothly - like setting your alarm 10 minutes earlier so you don't leave the house stressed. Or it could be that you find when your direct colleague's in a bad mood, it affects you too. Know that this is their issue and is unlikely to be because of you. As far as possible take steps to rectify your hotspots.

Step No.3: Go 'detective'
Get detective-like and get better at identifying your emotions as and when they arise. You're far more likely to develop rage issues if you don't take time to understand your emotions and respond to them appropriately. If something feels a bit difficult or tricky - at work or in your personal life - don't sweep it under the carpet. Instead investigate why you're feeling that way, 'name' your emotion (jealousy, anger, desire, etc) and think through how best to deal with the situation.
 

Step No.4: Communication skills
Now you're detecting the various emotions that potentially arise during your day, you'll benefit from better communication skills. Begin with learning to communicate clearly. Plan what you have to say if it's going to be a difficult situation. Practice saying it with a confident voice. Keep it concise and avoid beating around the bush. Use 'I' statements, where you begin a statement with the following, for example: "I think if we were better organised we'd have more free time at weekends." 'I' statements show you're taking responsibility and people respect that.

Step No.5: Let go and have fun
When exploring rage issues it's common to find the 'angry woman' is a woman who no longer enjoys life, the fun has simply gone out of it. The culprit for this tends to be our 24/7 lifestyle - we're under such constant demands we have nothing left when something makes us angry to stop an OTT reaction. Build a daily dose of fun into your life. Let go and relax, don't feel you must reply instantly to others. The happier you are, the sooner your rage will disappear.