By: May Rostom

Why do couples have babies? Is it because they Really want to? Is it because they were forced to by their parents who were too desperate to see their grandchildren? Is it because it’s the “next logical step”? Or is the curiosity of how it will look like is killing newlyweds so they might as well get it over with?

I'm May, a baby lover, but from afar. As long as it’s not mine, I ADORE the tiny creatures. I like how small their features are, their hands, feet, toes, and tiny mouth. I like how we put tremendous effort trying to make them laugh and when they just smile it feels like a great accomplishment. I like how they forgive easily, how they kiss only because they want to, how honest they are, how simple their life is, and how attached they are to you no matter what you do.

But when it comes to toddlers, I just can’t handle the rascals; or at least for now. I'm in my mid twenties; most of my friends are married and are already popping out babies, and whenever I'm out somewhere with them I’d get the constant “3o2balek” phrase. Is it me, or are we too young for babies? Should a twenty something year old woman get married let alone give birth, even if she’s qualified enough for the job? Wouldn’t that be too early in the marriage to pause your life for a baby and its needs? Doesn’t a 20 something year old woman have needs of her own to still fulfill? Needs other than motherhood and caring for someone other than herself, her home, and her husband? I don't want to seem selfish here, but if you already think I am, isn’t that weird? Who said not having babies in your twenties was selfish? Who said it was against your religion to say otherwise? Who said having dreams and high hopes for your own future was a bad thing? Who said that having babies definitely is worthwhile, isn’t it something that’s relative? Is contraception in the Arab world something that’s frowned upon in high class societies? Is there some sort of “code” you must follow when you hit your twenties; get married at 23, have a baby at 24, have another one at 26, then what?! If you’re going to cram up everything in three or four years, what are you going to do for the rest of your life? If you answer this question with “raise my children”, then answer this one: Did you fully grow into your individual self to start raising someone else? Did you do everything you wanted to do prior to the baby? Are you full on ready to drop everything and just watch another person develop while you just stop?

Today I saw a couple with 2 toddlers in the street getting ready to get in their car that’s blocking the road, the mum was folding a fancy push chair nervously, the dad was carrying the screaming/ possessed baby trying to calm it down, the older brother was running loose down the street, and right then a stranger held him by the hand, took him to his parents, strapped him in the car seat. As the mum finally stashed the stroller into the trunk of the car, the dad thanked the stranger, calmed down the baby by passing it over to its mommy (I keep referring to the baby as “it”, not because it’s some sort of object, but because I couldn’t tell the gender lol), then thanked me for patiently waiting as he goes through 10 minutes of what seems to be nothing short of chaos in my opinion.

At that moment I realized that having a baby is some sort of group effort. It’s something you just can’t do on your own, something that requires you to ask for help even from strangers. It’s a 24 hour job that involves you and your family members. Grandma for diaper changes, grandpa for pampering, aunt for midnight bottle feeding, uncle for outings, elder sibling for guidance, parents for good cop/bad cop, and strangers in the street for all the rest- help on the subway, stairs, restaurants, movie theatres, and so on.

I don't really know where this is going, but I do know that to have a baby you must be 100% willing to do so. You must accept all the good and bad things that accompany your decision, you must not depend on fate and luck to get you by, you must want to be in that situation without dragging family members or strangers in the street in the process, and you must be truly responsible for your decision and actions before you bring another human being into the world.

To all the mommies out there, I salute you on your decision on bringing a person into this world and putting huge effort into raising them, and I respect that. To all the others that’re just like me, I salute you on your decision for wanting to be You for a little longer, and I respect it. In the end, it’s YOUR life, live it YOUR way.