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Retirement And Marriage

Jan Cullinane and Cathy Fitzgerald

 
 
 
Research has shown some common threads about the effects of retirement and working (or not working) on couples. One study looked at transitions in retirement involving 534 married couples in their 50s, 60s or 70s who were retired or about to retire from several large businesses in upstate New York.

Husbands and wives reported greater marital satisfaction if they retired at the same time. While men with nonworking spouses had greater marital satisfaction than those with working wives, regardless of whether the men themselves worked, those men who didn't work but had a working spouse reported the most marital conflict.

With gold breaking above $700, several mining stocks are under heavy accumulation .Women experienced the highest marital satisfaction if they entered new jobs after retiring and their husbands were also working, but men who worked after retiring from their primary job experienced more marital discord than those men who didn't work.

You may have heard the saying, "Twice the husband but half the money." According to Ronald J. Manheimer, executive director of the North Carolina Center for Creative Retirement at the University of North Carolina, women's fears in retirement include losing one's identity (becoming more prevalent with the increase in the number of retiring professional women), being responsible for their spouses'/significant others' social life and entertainment, experiencing a disruption of their established patterns, needing to take care of everyone, financial and health issues and outliving their spouse.

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Men's concerns include lack of status, lack of social support, lack of purpose, declining physical abilities, poor communication with significant others and boomerang kids.

On the flip side, women's fantasies include returning to school, becoming an entrepreneur, performing meaningful volunteer activities, renewing relationships and enjoying life.

Men's dreams include an active lifestyle, getting in shape, reviving romance with spouse, more involvement with grandchildren and developing new skills. Both men and women include travel on their wish lists.

The first two years of retirement are comparable to the first two years of marriage or parenthood; it's a time to negotiate (or renegotiate) roles and share ideas and dreams. As when getting married or having a child, it's important to discuss and plan for the future before retiring, from an emotional as well as a financial standpoint.

Realize that the transition to retirement is a period of marital challenge for both sexes. Take heart: Although there are lots of adjustments to be made, the divorce rate among retired couples is only in the single digits. In fact, 60% of couples report that there is (ultimately) an improvement in their marriage after retirement.

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If the role of work is important to you but is causing stress in the relationship, take a look at alternative forms of work. Work doesn't necessarily mean only paid and full-time work. It could include volunteering, community service, working fewer hours, doing projects, starting a new, scaled-down career--all of these could fit the definition of productive work. In the U.S., success tends to be defined in monetary terms, but separating success and productivity from paid employment will create many more options for making retirement a time of new and meaningful roles (think "psychic" income).

Finally, if you're struggling with the decision to retire or not, ask yourself

these three questions:

--Do I have enough?

--Have I had enough?

--Do I have enough to do?