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Grandparents and Grandchildren

According to a popular Arabic saying, "The most precious child is your child's child." Becoming a grandparent is said to be one of life's greatest experiences. Grandparents do not have the responsibility of shaping their grandchild's character, deciding which school he is going to attend, or providing him with the basic needs of life. 

Grandparents are there to cuddle, to read bedtime stories, to buy gifts, or in other words, spoil. As parents, our children mean the world to us and we are very protective of them, sometimes even from our very own parents. We don’t want our children to drink soft drinks for example or to eat too many sweets or get too many gifts. The main dilemma is how we - parents - can control grandparents' actions without causing problems. Psychologist Dr. Josette Abdalla suggests the following: 

1. Appreciate grandparents

Dr. Abdalla explains that grandparents are more tolerant than parents - they are more relaxed, more experienced, and less strict. They have accomplished more in life and they add value to their grandchildren. They now have extra free time as well. Parents on the other hand are stressed out, have many decisions to make, and are usually under pressure from their jobs. Parents love their children in a quick manner on a daily basis and daily stress may stall the loving process. 

In other words, grandparents give more quality to quality time. This nurturing is vital for a child's upbringing and helps develop self esteem as well as other positive qualities. Therefore, we as parents should learn to appreciate grandparents and the importance of their presence in our children's lives. If that is achieved, you will learn to accept the bending of rules when you are on their premises with a more open heart. 

2. Be honest with grandparents 

Dr. Abdalla advises that it is best to explain your rules and boundaries honestly with grandparents. For example, explain what kind of toys you like to buy for your children, how many, how often and so forth. "It is best for the two generations to decide on the best option together," says Dr. Abdalla. It may be more difficult when you are explaining to your in-laws, but it is nevertheless worth a try to discuss these matters beforehand with grandparents to avoid any stress in the future. 

3. Learn to live with conflicting opinions

If grandparents are still spoiling your child in a manner you disapprove of after discussing your boundaries openly, learn to accept and live with this situation. Dr. Abdalla states that children will know the difference between home and grandma's because children are smart enough to know that there is a system at home different than the one at their grandparents'. It is acceptable to have those two worlds. 

According to Dr. Abdalla, what is not acceptable is to have children caught in the middle of a dilemma. As a parent, it is wise to be very low key about these sensitive issues. If the grandparents do things that you disapprove of, don't discuss this with your child and create a problem for him to solve, simply continue to set rules and boundaries in your own nest. According to Dr. Abdalla, in the end children look up to their parents the most and will follow their rules of discipline, no matter how spoiled they are by the grandparents. 

4. Communicate and compromise

Dr. Abdalla gives an example of how to deal with an embarrassing situation. If, for example, you want your child to finish his homework but his grandparents want him to come over, just state calmly that it is ok for him to go but explain that he has homework and see if they are willing to help him finish it. In this way, you are expressing to the grandparents that you don't mind him going over, but you are leaving them the final choice with a clear view of what is required from your child while he is at their home. Dr. Abdalla says that the key is to keep your calm and cool when dealing with these kinds of situations.

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